Im so sad and confused and more shit going on including with my health. I just need that one person to give me what i need.. Ugg ill write more later this week.. I just wanted to let you all know im alive, the trip went well… Now itz back to real life..
So for those of you who do not know..this is my mom! As if you can’t tell…we look a lot a like! This day was a long time coming, a day i have prayed about for years! I really want to share this day with all of you but today is a bad chemo day…i am taking a higher dose and have been praying to the “porcelain God” and been feeling like “poop” all day.,.so i will update as soon as i can…but what i will share……is Even in the hardest of times…there is a ray of sunshine! I love you Mom…
Update 8/15/2013 Most of you you know about my childhood….with that said…i have always wanted my birth mom in my life…but for reasons that are personal we have not been in contact..it has been 20 years since we have spoke or seen each other….but i have been praying for years to have her in my life…what girl doesn’t want their parents in their life?! I have watched for 20 years others with their moms go shopping, out to dinner or to the movies, throw parties for each other, have little arguments etc and i have yearned for that my self and have never had it..when my dad remarried i thought i would have a second chance but my step mom does not believe in “package deals” and therefore has never seen me as a daughter(and she and my dad have not had anything to do with me or my children in years) which has made me sad ;-(
anyways…so i have been mom less for like i said 20 years….i have stolen others moms….but because they were not mine, i was always nervous to lean on them when i needed a mom…so i have often felt very alone especially when i was diagnosed with this terminal disease…i had no parent to call and scream or cry too….
With that said..i have an amazing aunt who has been working her magic….and thanks to her my birth mom and i “met” yesterday…..
It amazes me how you can have all this hurt and anger in your heart and then you see this person who has caused you so much pain..and it just disappears….i know..i am skeptical too..but if you could have experienced the magic between me and my mom yesterday ,,..you would believe in a higher power for sure….because all that we have been through only god could have moved out of our line of sight so that we could only see love yesterday…
I do not know what my future holds especially now that i am dying but i do know i am fighting for whatever time i have to be spent not only with those that are here in my life now but with my mom….
For the first time last night i felt completely whole and if God took me this week…i would be perfectly Ok…
And as a side note…my step dad is really awesome…and i turned him on to my hero TYRONE Wells…..(i think i should be getting free tickets here soon Tyrone….half your fans are due to ME…. LOL )
Im feeling like the world is out to get me. I feel like HELL, and then what happens i get freaking stung by a wasp NOT one time, not two times but 3 damn times and i am allergic!
So between the higher dose of chemo and wasp stings Im down and out times 2!
I feel miserable and yucky!! But wanted to let everyone know yes i am behind logging
but i am alive!! Ill write more later when i feel up to it!! Love you all time infiniti!