Beautifully True

Someone sent this to me today. I believe it was originally written by Toni Bernard…
May your family and friends realize how important it is for you to feel listened to and believed when you talk about your illness, your limitations, and your disappointments.
May you accept with grace that some family and friends may never understand what you’re going through.
May you find a doctor who will work with you as a partner in your health care—especially one who isn’t intimidated if you’re more of an expert on some aspects of your illness than he or she is.
No matter how hard a day is for you, may you keep your heart open for a ray of sunshine—the sight of a beautiful picture on the wall, the sound of a songbird, the feel of warm water on your skin, something funny on TV.
May you find a measure of peace and contentment despite your health challenges.
May you learn to treat yourself with compassion, beginning by recognizing that being sick or in pain is not your fault.

Nice things to do for someone with RA/chronic illness

I was reading a blog on Ra warriors page and thought i would borrow a few of her tips, if you have more, please email me and i will put them up ASAP! thanks 😉

1. Send a thinking of you card
2. Read about RA or the chronic illness they are living with
3. Be there for Moral support, Go to appts etc
4. Ask them to share their story with you
5. Help them with stuff around the house
6. Here is an important one…ASK before helping them, sometimes we feel like we can’t do too many things anymore and taking something else away from us is frustrating!

Fighting the RA Fatigue Monster

Some of these ideas i got from other RA patients and some are what i found works best for myself!

1.Try to get the best sleep in the best bed you can afford
2. Use a heating pad on parts of your body that are aching the most.
3. Eat protein 3 hours before bedtime protein shakes are great for this!
4. nap throughout the day!
5. Make sure your Blood tests like Iron are ok
6. Try Maca, its a vitamin that helps me
7. Meditate regularly
8. Do NOT overwork yourself, listen to your body, its OK if you do not accomplish everything TODAY!
9. If your meds make you groggy, take them in the evening hours.
10. If all else fails, watch a movie, i do this almost every night!
11. try light exercise, like yoga
12. Love your self and try not to get super stressed, its ok if you just have to sleep all day..

Reminiscing and grateful i have been loved

I have been reading a lot about my terminal disease. It bothers me that it is already in my organs which seals my fate and now the recent tests that show possible kidney cancer. I feel like i can’t breathe, that at any moment the walls will cave in on me. I am so frightened yet so calm at times. I often find myself laying in bed reminiscing about my life and trying to remember all the good times i have had, so that the sadness does not creep in. I fear the sadness, because the more sad you get, the more time you waste. The more time you waste the less time you have to share with others. Life is going to be very short for me, but i am going to make the best of it. i think with this journal, i am going to tell you about some of my greatest memories and the people who have gotten me this far(although you will hear many of these names again, as they play a huge roll in my health life) ….i hope through my writing you will be able to see through my eyes….the love that i did receive from others…
My grandparents were some of the greatest people i know. I have some of the best memories with them. Times in Virginia City and times in Sparks. I was blessed with two great sets of grandparents and i can’t wait to be reunited with them. My grandfather Leslie in particular taught me to always go after what i want and he also told me how beautiful i was all the time…i guess this explains why i am vain. LOL My grandma Wilson showed me more love on fathers side than anyone else on that side, i will always be indebted to her kindness.
I was married for 9 years to Brian and we had a lot of great times, some i can’t share here but lets just say, we once were madly in love. Awesome memories of pillows made of dirt and NSYNC songs. Passion that i never thought would die and love that i never expected to fade. But sometimes life goes in ways you can’t control… Moving on to Oris, he brought me back from the dead. He reminded me that laughter and happiness is also a part of life. He and I are famous for our crazy bonfires and endless nights. Then their is my ex fiance Tim, who for the first time in a long time lit my heart and filled my life with so much joy. He always had ways to put a smile on my face and plan the most exciting private vacations. From 4 wheeling in a ford focus to fighting off cougars with rocks, feet photos, camping trips and home made jumping tree swings…it was always a journey. A thousand hearts with sayings to a house covered in carnations and A letter a month for 4 years. Health and life gets in the way but these are memories that can last a lifetime. Then there is Keith & Colton. Keith treated me like a princess even when i didn’t feel like i deserved it. He always put me first and we did tons of traveling, which i absolutely loved and with him i never knew i wasn’t beautiful. And finally Colton who is my little man, someone i hope grows up to be just like his dad, a loving man. Colton gave me purpose again in a very sad world. I am forever in love with him. Now on to the ladies in my life, i would like to start with my daughter Aryzona, who everyday inspires me to be a better person. I love her with every cell in my body, sick or not. 😉 She will do great things and i will always be watching over her.Rhonda, someone who i consider my sister not just my friend. She is amazing and one of the best people i have ever met to this day. Annie, someone who i continue to look up to, she is one of the strongest, wisest women i know and i am blessed to have her in my life. Then there is Jennifer, Kristina, and several other amazing woman who i am happy to call family not just friends. I wish i had my parents to add to this blog but they have been out of my life most of it and honestly its always me trying to pull them back in. I am sure there are others whom i have not forgotten, i just have a hard time remembering everyone due to the chemo and meds that i am on, so if i did forget you and i am sure i forgot someone, holler at me, and i promise to add you…its that easy! And for all the new people i know who are just getting on my path, welcome, i hope that you all inspire me to continue to fight and that your love with also guide me on to the next chapter of my life….∞kari∞

December 26 2013 Rant

I thought i would take a moment to blog and say hi to everyone! Please keep checking back, as i am trying to write here once a week, but sometimes my health gets in the way. And i will get to everyone’s questions and be patient PLEASE 😉 I hope that everyone had a great Christmas. With that said, Christmas seemed to be just another day to me. Nothing special about it. No family got a hold of us, i know this is NOT new but sometimes i pray that others will turn over a leaf and realize that life is short and that family is everything. I have done everything in my power to let go of things and forgive others, i guess now what i need to do is to understand that only i can change and work on myself, i can NOT make others do anything. Just saying that makes my heart hurt. I have no idea what time i have here and really none of us do. I am just angry that i can not get others to see the world as i see it. Time is so valuable. I feel so insignificant most of the time but its worse during special times of the year. I often find myself wondering how people can just walk away from loved ones when they are going through a crisis, maybe it is because i could never walk away from someone i loved. Maybe that is why it hurts so much, it is hard to wrap my head around hurting someone like that. Too often i find myself sad and its just not feeling bad for myself, its that this disease has taken everything from me, i no longer have the future i planned for myself. I can’t open jars, i can barely drive, walking is a hassle,and i could honestly go on and on…just last night i was reading RA Warrior’s blog and she was talking about the very same things. Life is forever changed and even if we choose some form of meds, it is just buying us time, it is not ever going to cure us. When i read things like this, i think back to my past and get so frustrated, because i feel like i have wasted so much valuable time on people who didnt deserve me, wasted time on being angry, holding grudges and so many other things. I know i can’t go back and there is very little point wasting time thinking about my past but its what i think about. When you lie in bed for hours upon hours you would be surprised of the things you think about. Trust me! 😉 Sometimes i just want to shake people when i hear how depressed or angry they are at silly stuff…and tell them to switch with me…i will gladly deal with their NORMAL stuff. I am terminal, fighting everyday to stay alive, i take meds that make me sick and feel yucky, i degrade myself by begging others to take care of me and because i am sick and have little options i let people treat me not so well. Honestly i just do not have enough strength to make the choices i probably need to make in order to have what i need and or want before its to late. So i guess what i am saying is that if you have your health be HAPPY, be kind to others, live like today is your last because it just might be. I was not born sick, i found out i was sick so this could happen to YOU. So do not worry about petty stuff. life is short. Speak up, tell people what you want! If your not happy MOVE on, while you can. Always kiss your partner at night, never go to bed angry, share feelings and do not be selfish, sometimes we have to do things to make others happy, if you want to keep them. Life is about compromise. And one more tip….listen to Tyrone Wells Music! 😉
Anyways outside of the holidays, i wanted to share to my readers that i will be putting up some new information in regards to RA/Multiple Organ RA and i also hope to be getting up a caregiver/spouse blog, so that loved ones know they are not alone either in taking care of their sick family members. I really hope that we can help everyone that is affected by this disease and other chronic diseases…that includes our caregivers/family members/friends etc…
I also will be putting up new years resolutions that i am making for myself, and this year its going to be called 2014 My Final Happy List! This coming year i am going to do most everything i want to do before i go to our father in Heaven~! I feel in my heart their will be a lot of changes coming, and some people will be left behind because they are not on the same page as i am BUT that is OK, If there is one thing i do KNOW, it is that GOD always puts NEW PEOPLE On MY path and i can NOT wait to see will be WALKING DOWN THIS PATH WITH ME!! LOVE YOU ALWAYS TIMES INFINITI

Its that wonderful time of year again⛄️

I hope this note finds everyone well. I myself am having a rough time trying to deal with pain and going back and forth on whether i stop chemo in the near future because honestly it isn’t doing much and the disease is running its course:-( . But i am trying to be in a decent mood as its christmas time which i love! Its so beautiful to see all the yards lit up. So peaceful, that is until you try to do some holiday shopping. The crowds are crazy!
I will be doing a Marine 2015 calendar pinup shoot soon and then autographing 100 copies, i believe they will be on sale in March. Proceeds will be going to several charities. Help support our troops and young women in our communities!
Talk to you all soon
I will keep everyone posted!

Email question of the day

Hi, i am answering more emails today.. If i don’t get to your questions today be patient, i am trying to answer them as fast as i can. I am going to start calling these as email of the day posts.
Email of the day is from Emily in north carolina, she asks what is the nicest surprise someone has done for you?

Great question emily!
I have had a few great surprises in my life but the one that stands out was 4 years ago. I was having a tough week right before valentines day. I wasn’t feeling well and i was missing my grandpa, his birthday is valentines. What i didn’t know though was that my fiancé was planning an amazing week for me. I was told the day before valentines to pack an over night bag. Then i was blindfolded. We drove for about 45min. When the blindfold was removed i found us at a bed n breakfast in virginia city( over looking my grandpas house). It was so beautiful, as we walked to our room carnation petals led us to our room( i dislike roses, so that was sweet). When i opened the door to our room i saw carnations everywhere and tons of heart cutouts all over the bed. He had spent weeks cutting out hearts at work. What was so awesome was that each heart(100of them) said one reason why he loved me. I felt so special, someone putting so much work into something for me. The next day and for a week after he sent me a dozen carnations to our house. My house was filled with so many beautiful flowers and i felt very loved. It was the thoughtfulness that made me feel good.
Before this the memory that stands out was a long time ago when my ex husband would surprise me by singing OUR song to me and/or making sure when my car started in the morning our song played on the car stereo.
Wow thanks for reminding me emily of a good memories! Its been a long time, since I’ve felt special by others i love. I think people forget to do special things whether its a note in the car, a flower, a card… Its not about money or out doing someone but putting your own thoughts and love into something. I hope everyone has someone in their lives that makes their heart smile and their toes curl. Its all about moments… So make them before its too late, love the one your with and do not forget to show them!❤️

More Questions answered….

Hi everyone! I thought i would answer an email while i had a minute!

” Can you please tell us about your life in more detail as far as the people you have let into your life and how that has affected your health.” Do you think your relationships are normal or do they differ because you are sick as opposed to healthy?

I get these questions asked a lot. To be honest everything affects my health, but i also believe that even healthy people’s lifes are affected by relationships too. But i will try to answer this as best as i can…

Well a few people have been super important in my life and each one of them has affected me in different ways.I will just choose to speak about 3 of them. 😉 Each of them have been GOOD and BAD for me. I say this because after i walk away from something, i try to take something positive from the experience.
Very quickly i will run through the important ones and give you a brief idea….on what i have gone through and maybe later i will elaborate on it..but right now i am still in emotional pain from some of this and i am not ready to talk all about it…

I was married for 9 years to the person i believed i belonged with(the one person i saw my entire life and death with)(the one who completed my every thought, my world) …but unfortunately the sicker i got the more i was pushed away, And their was no one else to help us and it became so hard….it changed us….so i left. Nothing is worse than being pushed away by the person that should be pulling you in closer, especially during a hard time, i was terrified, my life was changing in ways that i couldn’t deal with. And i was replaced quickly so that kind of told me just how much i was not cared about anyways. Its like telling someone you love them, 10 seconds later oh wait NOW i love someone else…(which is why for a long time the word LOVE meant jack shit to me} BUT What i took from that was 9 years was a bunch of memories, good and bad..Memories no one can ever take from me! And sometimes i feel like i put too much into it, and got very little…which taught me that i deserve 100% from the one i am with not 50%. So it was tons of lessons…and i am grateful for all of them. Good thing is, people grow,story doesn’t end here..more on this later….

The next serious relationship was with a Marine who showed me that Love does exist and that i was super special and deserved to have the world. Which was nice, because i was not used to that. But throughout the next 4 years my health took another turn and we found ourselves in and out of hospitals weekly, have surgeries and being told doctors did not know what was going on and this was very frustrating! And sometimes when people get scared they Run, which is what he decided to do..said he Loved me but he didn’t know how to help me anymore and he felt helpless…( how in the hell did he think i felt?) He shattered my heart in more pieces than i can say. What i want to share about this particular relationship is that he said OVER AND OVER he could do it but in the end, it was easier to run…so what i want all the readers to know is that, sometimes people think they can DO it But when it gets hard, they cant take it, and even though they run(which is VERY COMMON) we need to remember that they tried! And that they did mean it when they said they could do it…its just that they thought they were stronger than they really were…I know this person loved me a lot and still feels bad that he couldnt be the person i needed at the time…and truth be told i was mad for a long time but i forgive him now and thanks to him i quit smoking 5 years ago and even though he hurt me, my heart was opened again because of him.

The final person is also a marine and he has the biggest heart i have ever seen. No one has ever loved me so much, unconditionally. And if i am being honest, it is me who ended this relationship. But it had nothing to do with who he is or how he treated me per say. I know if i let him he would give me the world again and again. He really loved me. Loving me wasn’t the problem, it was some of his personal issues(that made my health worse) is why i am no longer in that situation.

So now that you have a brief idea of where i have been, i can kind of tell you more about my feeling on everything.
I believe God puts people on our path for a reason, sometimes you do not know why, it just you just have to go with it and do your best to put your best foot forward! I really hope i am where i need to be now, where i belong,but i also know that if i am not, i will be ok also, because i know i am still on a path, and i know for a fact i will not walk the path alone! And its not just my love life that has affected my health, my blood family have done a lot of things that were not good for me. I have a dad who wants nothing to do with me…and that is hard to deal with every night when i lay my head down to sleep. And then to watch the ones I CHOOSE to love break my heart is indescribable but i have faith, that my heart has a soul mate. But to answer your question i think it doesn’t matter that i am sick or healthy, people will always have relationship issues, mine are just different than someone else s OR on top of money issues, life issues etc i have HEALTH issues…But i do not think i am any different. People will always disappoint us at one time or another( we are not perfect)but its the ones who stick around through everything that matters! So do not take others for granted, love like there is so no tomorrow, do not make people pay for others crimes and be truthful! Life is short, take risks because there is only today, tomorrow may never come!!!!
I hope this helps, again thanks for the emails! I will get to posting more….i just feel like POOP..LMAO..anyways love you all times infiniti!!