Hi everyone! I thought i would answer an email while i had a minute!
” Can you please tell us about your life in more detail as far as the people you have let into your life and how that has affected your health.” Do you think your relationships are normal or do they differ because you are sick as opposed to healthy?
I get these questions asked a lot. To be honest everything affects my health, but i also believe that even healthy people’s lifes are affected by relationships too. But i will try to answer this as best as i can…
Well a few people have been super important in my life and each one of them has affected me in different ways.I will just choose to speak about 3 of them. 😉 Each of them have been GOOD and BAD for me. I say this because after i walk away from something, i try to take something positive from the experience.
Very quickly i will run through the important ones and give you a brief idea….on what i have gone through and maybe later i will elaborate on it..but right now i am still in emotional pain from some of this and i am not ready to talk all about it…
I was married for 9 years to the person i believed i belonged with(the one person i saw my entire life and death with)(the one who completed my every thought, my world) …but unfortunately the sicker i got the more i was pushed away, And their was no one else to help us and it became so hard….it changed us….so i left. Nothing is worse than being pushed away by the person that should be pulling you in closer, especially during a hard time, i was terrified, my life was changing in ways that i couldn’t deal with. And i was replaced quickly so that kind of told me just how much i was not cared about anyways. Its like telling someone you love them, 10 seconds later oh wait NOW i love someone else…(which is why for a long time the word LOVE meant jack shit to me} BUT What i took from that was 9 years was a bunch of memories, good and bad..Memories no one can ever take from me! And sometimes i feel like i put too much into it, and got very little…which taught me that i deserve 100% from the one i am with not 50%. So it was tons of lessons…and i am grateful for all of them. Good thing is, people grow,story doesn’t end here..more on this later….
The next serious relationship was with a Marine who showed me that Love does exist and that i was super special and deserved to have the world. Which was nice, because i was not used to that. But throughout the next 4 years my health took another turn and we found ourselves in and out of hospitals weekly, have surgeries and being told doctors did not know what was going on and this was very frustrating! And sometimes when people get scared they Run, which is what he decided to do..said he Loved me but he didn’t know how to help me anymore and he felt helpless…( how in the hell did he think i felt?) He shattered my heart in more pieces than i can say. What i want to share about this particular relationship is that he said OVER AND OVER he could do it but in the end, it was easier to run…so what i want all the readers to know is that, sometimes people think they can DO it But when it gets hard, they cant take it, and even though they run(which is VERY COMMON) we need to remember that they tried! And that they did mean it when they said they could do it…its just that they thought they were stronger than they really were…I know this person loved me a lot and still feels bad that he couldnt be the person i needed at the time…and truth be told i was mad for a long time but i forgive him now and thanks to him i quit smoking 5 years ago and even though he hurt me, my heart was opened again because of him.
The final person is also a marine and he has the biggest heart i have ever seen. No one has ever loved me so much, unconditionally. And if i am being honest, it is me who ended this relationship. But it had nothing to do with who he is or how he treated me per say. I know if i let him he would give me the world again and again. He really loved me. Loving me wasn’t the problem, it was some of his personal issues(that made my health worse) is why i am no longer in that situation.
So now that you have a brief idea of where i have been, i can kind of tell you more about my feeling on everything.
I believe God puts people on our path for a reason, sometimes you do not know why, it just is..so you just have to go with it and do your best to put your best foot forward! I really hope i am where i need to be now, where i belong,but i also know that if i am not, i will be ok also, because i know i am still on a path, and i know for a fact i will not walk the path alone! And its not just my love life that has affected my health, my blood family have done a lot of things that were not good for me. I have a dad who wants nothing to do with me…and that is hard to deal with every night when i lay my head down to sleep. And then to watch the ones I CHOOSE to love break my heart is indescribable but i have faith, that my heart has a soul mate. But to answer your question i think it doesn’t matter that i am sick or healthy, people will always have relationship issues, mine are just different than someone else s OR on top of money issues, life issues etc i have HEALTH issues…But i do not think i am any different. People will always disappoint us at one time or another( we are not perfect)but its the ones who stick around through everything that matters! So do not take others for granted, love like there is so no tomorrow, do not make people pay for others crimes and be truthful! Life is short, take risks because there is only today, tomorrow may never come!!!!
I hope this helps, again thanks for the emails! I will get to posting more….i just feel like POOP..LMAO..anyways love you all times infiniti!!