Why I am always one foot out the door…

Its been a week since i have written although i have done a few videos on youtube. It is getting harder every day to do anything. My lungs are killing me, breathing actually hurts and that scares the hell out of me. My arms above my wrist all the way up to my shoulders have been aching for days and apparently my body think i need to vomit before breakfast….and then the world tells me to just relax, stay home, take my meds….it will all work out somehow….REALLY HOW ABOUT YOU JUMP IN MY PLACE FOR A DAY…..and see if your own advice is any good. This disease is a very lonely one, i lie awake at night in pain, i throw up at night and during the day and then i am the lucky one that gets to clean it up too….finding the strength to just pick my self up and get back in to bed is hard enough, trying to clean up is horrible. just sitting here typing my blog is frustrating, everything hurts, my fingers, wrists, arms, legs…all i want to do is crash…but for some reason i cant convey that to everyone. Every day is different i never know what is going to attack me until i wake up and even that changes throughout the day…the later the day gets, the more my spine feels the need to be a jerk. I wish so much for a day when i feel no pain…..even a day with half my pain would be GREAT, then maybe someone would have a reason to do something with me. I am supposed to be positive and keep finding new ways to look at things…there is no comforting way to look at dying.. and not just dying but dying in super super pain and discomfort and loneliness…
I thought surviving an abusive relationship, having people you LOVE more than life walk out on you and or not treat me well, was painful but all of the above have nothing on this damn disease. Multiple organ RA sucks, and my one foot will continue to be out the door so that when its my time, all i have to do is push the door open and walk the rest of the way through it!

Beautiful friday

Hi everyone! It has been a very busy week for me. I had a Dr appt earlier this week and now i have what seems like 5 million tests to do. This damn disease is just doing its thing and kicking my butt. ;-( But yesterday even thought it was cold i got out and did some walking which felt great. Today i went in for the first of many new tests and met a few really nice people. I was just sitting in the waiting area when two ladies approached me and asked if i was a model. I laughed and said no but thanks. Then they both continued on why i should be modeling now and how they could use me on a modeling job. How funny, again i feel like screaming because to me its just another OMGOODNESS HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO SICK AND LOOK SO GOOD. I however was very polite and said no thank you and explained briefly my health situation and how i have little to zero energy to get involved in new projects like that.
My name was then called and i did my tests and left. It wasn’t until i was in my car driving home when i realized, it doesn’t matter how sick i am, i still GOT MY LOOKS and its a Beautiful Friday, so enjoy it…..I guess that is my silver lining 😉

I hope everyone is having a great Friday, i usually can NOT stand Fridays because i do chemo on Fridays but today, i am going to do my chemo with a smile. Happy Friday everyone –infiniti–

A big thanks to friends across the miles

It is NOT often that i take a moment to thank those of you who call, text and or FB love my way. So this post is dedicated to you ALL. I am so appreciative of those of you who i know have your own lives to live, yet take a moment occasionally to say hi and check in on me! This is my post to you all….thanks for all your unconditional love and support, i am so happy and blessed to have you all. The only thing that could be better is if you all lived closer!
🙂 Rhonda, Brian N, Cuz Tina, Aunt Cece, Oris, Cyndi, Jenn, and to anyone else that my chemo brain is spacing!… Love you all!!!

Healthy snacks

Here are 20 great snacks to have in your bag/purse etc while you are out and about or even nearby your bed. I have personally found that since my diagnosis, i have had some sugar problems and if i do not have some “healthy” treats by my side/with me, i grab junk food. I am really trying to avoid a lot of junk and here are some things that i like to always have with me! ALSO please try Coconut sugar in lei of regular sugar

1. Apple slices with lemon juice..YUM

2. Carrots and avocado dip

3. Banana

4. Dried fruit (any)

5. string cheese and grapes

6. pineapple

7. celery and peanut butter

8. 1/2 cup almonds

9. Salad

10. sliced berries

11. cottage cheese

12. Oatmeal

13. Clementine cutie

14. Honey nut cheerios

15. Oat bars

16. Fruit smoothies with yogurt

17. watermelon

18. Protein bars

19. Raisins

20 Super food smoothie with greens

Sometimes you just want to give up

I am surprised that I am up and writing right now after the weekend, i just had. Chemo is really really affecting my life, so much that i wonder why i am doing it. Chemo was originally supposed to give me more time but in all reality, it hasn’t done much, in fact my numbers are worse now and it literally keeps me in bed more. And due to all these things it drives me batty, so much that i want to jump out of my skin and RUN. Friday, i spent in bed and over the toilet. I watched about a million shows/movies on Saturday, with baby migraines and sick stomach, not to mention aches and pains. Woke up Sunday off and on. Finally got up in the evening just in time to go to my churches evening service. And boy am i grateful, church is just what i needed. At Sierra View Baptist, i am NOT alone, i belong somewhere and others share my pain with their own health issues, and others just have so much love to give me. Its awesome! Several times this weekend, i just wanted to give up, because giving up is easy. The more depressed i got this weekend, the more negative things came my way, for example an old friend did something to try and hurt me earlier today. I wanted to scream out and be vengeful because i kept thinking to myself, HOW can anyone be so rude to someone that has so many things going on right now? But thankfully after calmly dealing with the issue at hand and then taking some more of my pain & belly meds, it came to me that, the more i walk the straight line, the more evil will try to push me off it….and i am here to say that no matter what life continues to throw at me, i am NOT giving up, i might scream occasionally and say i am giving up but i am not going to give up, i am going to keep pushing through as long as God allows me to. I guess my whole point to this blog is, all of us have issues, all of us have our OWN troubles, but we have to push through them. There is a reason for everything. We may not know what the reason is at the time, because things happen in Gods time NOT ours. So keep pushing through your troubles/issues and know that you are NOT alone. If you ever think you are, give me a call.

Fun Ideas for 2014

Life can definitely get depressing especially when we are all in a lot of pain and feel exhausted just getting out of bed. (those commercials on TV are just silly, we do not run around and have a great time after taking our daily meds 😉 ) With that said, i thought i would put up some things that i think we can all do if we just try….If you have ANY ideas i would be very grateful to you if you sent them MY way…its hard and depressing laying in bed 24/7.One of my doctors told me because i am terminal that i should take my meds and lay in bed….and what wait to DIE? I do NOT think SO…………………….. Life is completely different now and trust me, anyone with a chronic disease KNOWS this( i was working towards my bachelors in criminal justice, my dream was to help troubled teens) I am not giving up, there will be new goals in my life as long as i am still here on earth….Here are a few I am currently trying to implement and I hope others who think they are stuck in bed doing nothing can try…
life unexpected-enjoying life regardless

1.How about making a goal of 2-3 movies a month, you can go to matinees, or whenever. Some theaters even do the “oldies” packages(which usually is 6 movies for $30)
I recommend taking a pillow and a blanket. I personally wear slip on shoes so that i can take them off while watching the movie and i put the pillow either under my booty or under my legs wherever i am hurting the most that particular day. Also make sure you have plenty of pain meds on you, i forgot once and i had to leave the movie early because the pain was so bad. I also recommend taking a bottle of water and maybe a light snack.(movie theater snacks are bad for you and cost an arm and a leg)

2. I am unsure about where you live, but check and see if they do movies in the park, this can be a lot of fun, and you can actually lay down and get comfortable or bring a comfy chair and blankets. This is usually fun for the whole family.

3. Walks, i know it hurts trust me, i walk with a cane and my knees hurt like crazy but i need the exercise and the fresh air. usually 20-30 min everyday or even every other day is great! Be proud of whatever you are able to do! You know your body the best, DO NOT over do it!

4. Find a hobby you can do while in bed, or in your comfy chair, this i am still working on as it is hard to do a lot in bed, with sore hands and such but sometimes watching TV for 30 hours straight gets old. I am trying to do a little crossword puzzles every day….i would like to color..but i need to get a bed table. 😉 If anyone has any ideas let me know so i can try them and share with others

5. Read a book. Sometimes you can escape in a good book 😉

6. Blog, i find blogging is great for me! I am able to get so much off of my chest. However i can’t do it all the time as my hands can only do so much.

7. Join a support group. Unfortunately there is NOT a support group for RA here in Reno, but i am thinking of starting one! Support is important, but even if you are not involved in one, know that YOU are NOT alone!!

8. Yoga..someone told me to try Yoga again and i almost fell out of bed…i think my body would just fall to pieces but hey it is worth a shot…

9. Write letters to family and friends…with technology these days, i have heard its nice to get a REAL letter from someone….

10. Go back to school if you can…i AM going to finish my degree if it is the LAST thing i do, remember ONE DAY AT A TIME. If you can walk some days, take some on campus classes, if you can’t take some web classes, either way do not throw away something YOU want to do!!

11. How many concerts can you go to in 6 months or in ONE year? Or in my case, how many times can i see Tyrone Wells in a year?? 😉

12. Find something YOU LOVE TO DO…is it camping? Is it dancing? I know its hard to plan things when everyday is different, but i suggest try and plan 2 things this year and then GO and do them!

13. Do a fun photo shoot with family/friends…in my situation i want to leave a book for everyone to have for when i am gone, because i believe life is about the memories we make, so take lots of photos of those memories, plan a fun photo shoot…and smile

14. Make a list of 10 things you WANT to do this year…they can be big or small. Ask others for help, you will be surprised that others do care and want to help.

15. Go to Church…i go to an awesome church and they keep my spirits UP…..Now if i can only get my pastor to preach and or do an activity every night….LOL (i do not think my body would allow an everyday activity but it would be nice if i could) It is nice having support from great folks!! God Bless Sierra View Baptist Church!!


PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS PAGE http://rheum4us.org/press-release-rheumatoid-arthritis-awareness-day/
A lot of great info is on this page. I personally believe knowledge is power, so please get out their and spread the word! The more people know, the more understanding, compassion and hopefully better care we will receive. My personal GOAL for February 2 2014 is to have my personal story up on Youtube, which will also appear here on my website. I want to make a difference in the world and i want to share my life struggles with no sugar coating. I personally have multiple organ RA which is different from regular RA, and i struggle to find others who understand, so i hope that by telling my story I will help others come forward and share. It is important for us to speak up about our lives. We all are different, we all experience different things, take different meds, have different pains and aches etc. We are each others support! God Bless rd-ribbon-final


Straight from Tyrone Wells Facebook……..
BIG NEWS: Next week we are announcing our spring tour dates for the “closer than ever” tour!

Tyrone Wells got his start as a singer-songwriter and storyteller in Southern California coffee shops, building a ground swell of devoted followers that connected with his powerful voice, honest lyrics and personal anecdotes. From this foundation, Tyrone went on to release two records with Universal Republic, build a national fan base by touring relentlessly with his band, land over 50 songs in TV and Film placements and launch several records to #1 on the iTunes Singer Songwriter charts. This journey has brought Tyrone full circle and he’s decided to bring things back to his roots for this tour so that he can have a “closer than ever” experience with you. The “closer than ever” tour is about a voice, a guitar, and one man’s story of loving, dreaming and growing. Please click on this link to check out his tour dates!! http://tyronewells.com/