Never Give Up, Be SomeONE’S Inspiration

As always I hope this blog finds you all doing the best that you can be.  It has been exactly 16 days since I have written, so that should tell you all just how great I have been feeling or how much my body has been kicking my ass. And to make it worse everyone I work with has been sick……and of course I got it and it took me down with a vengeance. Could it be because I have zero IMMUNE system?! HMMM I think SO. Really wish others would think about how they take care of themselves or lack thereof.  You never know who around you has a zero immune. Food for thought 😉

The first week of March, I had a lot of disease pain, for some reason it was being an ass to me. I could not move much most of the week. I hate staying in bed. There is so much TV one person can watch before your head explodes.  I was able to attend our HOG family spaghetti feed, which was very awesome. We had a great turn out and I had a blast volunteering. Many great prizes were won.

March 8th I had my double dose of yuck meds, I hate chemo meds and biologics. They just torture me the first couple nights.  No Bueno.   Later in the week, I was able to make it to work and do a little practice. I love our new large target, and all the yummy pastries we get every week….probably why we all weigh a few more pounds that when  we started the job.  HEEHEE. I love pewpewpew LIFE.   IMG_8160

Unfortunately by the 13th I was back in bed throwing up anything I actually got to eat, and NO it was not due to all the yummy desserts we get at the range.

This week I also had 2 doctor appts. I love waiting for the Dr for 45min and then seeing him for exactly 3min and 8seconds. I timed him. I think i piss longer…. LOL What is the point of this? AARGG I guess I am in the wrong field of work. I would love to charge patients 300$ a visit and see them for on the average 15min each time. What a wonderful life some people seem to have. I am grateful for him though because he is pretty cool, i guess. Anyways…

As the weather got warmer this week, I was able to finally get some outside exercise. The dog and I walked a total of 4 miles this week. That is AWESOME. I am really happy about this.


We also rode in the St. Patrick’s ride this past Saturday. I was not feeling well but I was grateful to ride for a few hours.


I don’t know about you but I have to take the few good days and make them better than the bad days.  Even when I am exhausted, I get OUT, and I fake it till my  body gets on board with whatever I am doing, whether that is working, riding or just getting some sun.  You HAVE to do things like this, or you will just fall apart at the seams.


Speaking about falling apart, I want to take a moment to chat about what we allow ourselves to get upset about. I have a friend who is going through some family issues while dealing with her health issues. Here is my advice to her and anyone else dealing with similar issues. First your health MUST be first. Take care of YOU. As far as family goes, really think about what they really mean to you, are they in your lives? Is what they say really matter? At the END OF THE DAY, it is YOUR life. Do not let others opinions, thoughts, words, whatever touch YOUR life. If people are starting stuff, it is most likely BECAUSE THEY HAVE BORING LIVES and NEED to do something, so they start stuff with you. Just like anybody, they may feel jealous, you’re sick; you’re getting the attention etc. Let all that drama fall off your shoulders. They are not worth it, sometimes you just have move on from people who have your BLOOD. Remember we didn’t choose our family.  To be honest, in most situations I have been in have been 1, jealous or 2 they listen to one side of a story and then make assumptions.  And in the end I don’t care which it is, I just move on. Life is way to short, from people whether they are friends or family, if they don’t want to take the time to be in your life that is ON THEM.  Good Luck MUAH

I also want to encourage everyone to make a GOAL list for each month NOT for 6 months or a year….just one month. Keep it SIMPLE. Sometimes when we are chronically/terminally ill we make too big of goals and then we get overwhelmed and we just give UP. It is NOT about how much we get done, its just about getting out and giving ourselves a break from our “SICK” world. For me its small things that i like to escape, like my hair falling out and all the bruises and swollen body parts.IMG_8162

This picture is just from today. But the joy i found in today was going into work. I am blessed to be around a funny group of guys and a lot of very cool customers who love the second amendment as much as i do. 😉  I love to be around people who make me laugh and honestly care….

Keep it all simple, everything you DO. Life is way short. Feel the pain the days you  need too, then pick yourself up, Shock collar the people you need too, throw chairs at others and get on with this thing called life! 🙂 #youbetterbesmiling #imsofunny

IMG_8100FullSizeRender (1) HA!!!!!!!!!!

My goals for this month are, cleaning my office, supporting my daughter through stuff, walking 6 more miles and doing something for ME, like maybe doing a little shopping…..

I do have a 6 month goal list too(if you want to do this and a monthly one, DO IT),  only because i am an overachiever, i am planning on going to LA, going to N. Cali to see my cousin and some more training at work. Of course i still keep it very simple and i DO WHAT I CAN as I FEEL. I make plans all the time and have to cancel because of how i feel, because as most of you know, it is hard to make plans, our sickness doesn’t give us a heads up. It does what it wants when it wants. And it sucks but we have to remember that this is OUR life now. We have to accept it and hope others can be ok with us canceling plans etc, and if they are not, then screw them…to be nice about it. I once heard someone say, you must like being alone, you always cancel on me. YES you figured it OUT. I love to live life in BED, do nothing, be around NO ONE….its AWESOME. I love this picture from invisible illness artwork….it says OUR life almost perfectly…


To end this post, i leave you with this post from “The Buried Life”


  1. FIND A PASSION THAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE. – Each new day is a blank page in the story of your life.  The secret is in turning that blank page into the best chapter you possibly can.  Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs, and what every great story has, are characters who have come alive in the pursuit of something that inspires them.
  2. WORK HARD ON THAT PASSION. – The best dreams happen when you’re wide awake and working hard on something you’re passionate about.  A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future.  You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the new and unfamiliar.  So dream big, pursue your passion, and give yourself permission to work toward a future you know you are capable of creating. Read The 4-Hour Workweek.
  3. LIVE HAPPILY IN YOUR OWN WAY. – You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to liveup to yours.  Pave your own unique path.  What success means to each of us is totally different.  Success to some may mean fancy cars and homes.  Success to others may mean being a good parent, spouse, or friend.  For others, it may mean to simply be happy.  Or it can be all of the above.  Remember, success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
  4. CHANGE YOUR PATH WHEN YOU MUST, BUT KEEP MOVING FORWARD. – There are thousands of possible paths one could take up the mountain of life.  You get to choose which one you take, and you can jump from one path to another if you run into a hazardous road block.  All of these paths are unique, but lead in a similar general direction, so it really doesn’t matter which path you start off on.  The only mistake you can make is by wasting time running around at the base of the mountain, telling everyone that your life path is wrong.
  5. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, KEEP FIGHTING. – The wisest, most loving, well rounded people you have met are likely those who have known failure, known defeat, known suffering, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.  These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding, and a deep loving concern.  People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of a lifetime.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
  6. LET GO OF THE PAST AND LIVE CONSCIOUSLY IN THE PRESENT. – Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.  The past is a good place to visit on occasion, but not a great place to stay.  Don’t sit around trying to relive or change your past when you have priceless moments unfolding in front of you and your entire future to look forward to.
  7. EMBRACE NEW IDEAS, LESSONS, AND CHALLENGES. – Sometimes growing up means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and situations, and finding something new that truly moves you.  There is nothing more wonderful than seeing life as an adventure.  You should try things that you’re afraid of.  You should look very clearly into the unknown and enjoy it.  Because when you come in contact with things that you don’t know, that’s when you’re learning, growing, and truly living.
  8. APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT MEAN A LOT. – What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?  Think of all the beauty that remains around you, and be happy.  Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together you will see just how significant they are.  Remember, it’s not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Read The Happiness Project.
  9. LIVE HONORABLY THROUGH KINDNESS. – If you live honorably, no matter how old you get, you’ll never lose your beauty; it will just gradually shift from your face to your heart.  And remember, there is no better exercise for the heart than reaching out and holding the hand of someone in need.
  10. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH PEOPLE YOU LOVE. – Lost time is never found again.  People don’t live forever.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  Spend lots of quality time with the people you love.  Someday you will either regret not doing so, or you will say, “I’m glad I did.

A HUGE thanks to The Buried Life for these great 10 Reminders! You can check out their blog on this @

Ok i have said enough… pooped……..i will post more later whenever my body allows me too………have a great week! Thanks for ALL the support you ALL give me. Big hugs to all of you and even bigger hugs to all you Spoonies



On the days you can’t live for yourself, remember something/someone you can live for

Hi everyone and Happy March! I hope this finds everyone doing the best that they can be. I am sorry that it has been a few weeks since my last post. I have just been going through so much. This pain has been controlling most of my life. And then when it is somewhat manageable, i am working a few hours. Speaking of work, this week i got to play a little with this fantastic pieceIMG_7870.
IMG_7871 I love getting in some needed practice. Being a gun owner is NOT just about owning the gun, its about training and practicing.  Although my advise is to be careful around the S&W compact as it bites LOL IMG_7876
Most of the month however i felt like thisIMG_7951.  The disease is definitely kicking my ass but I AM still fighting back and that is what matters. Which brings me to tonight’s post. I really think that when we just want to throw in the towel, we want to give up, we must reach out to the very thing we love the most outside ourselves. This can be our kids, our spouse…whatever..just grab on to whatever it is. For me its what my grandpa instilled in me. He always told me i could do anything that i put my mind too. I had his blood in me, i am great. I can’t even begin to tell each of you how much he has played a huge part in my “picking” my self up. Even though he is not on earth anymore, i know he is here with me, because he is a part of me and NO ONE will ever take that away from me. NO ONE. And in some weird way i am consoled in the fact that when i die, i will be with him once again. God gave me an amazing role model, my grandfather. Now he wasn’t perfect but neither am i, heck no one IS. So when you are falling  apart and your health has taken control, grab on to whatever happy thought and or loved one you NEED TO and do NOT give up. There is a purpose for us all. I believe that. I love you grandpa and someday we will be together again, i can’t wait to hear you say how beautiful i am because i am related to you 😉 gnk Our races to the post office in Virginia City and all the yummy ice cream & bread with lightly toasted cream, is truly missed. I love you, thanks for giving some skills i never knew i would ever have to use.
I had so much to say tonight but i am having a lot of pain and need to get some sleep so that i am able to work a few hours tomorrow. so i will just say this..
I am so tired of my diseases running my life as far as what i can do and when.  It has changed my life so much, i look around and i see everyone else’s life, not mine. Im not anywhere i thought i would ever be. I am not on the path i dreamed of. My health has stolen so much from me and from others who also have chronic/terminal diseases and now we are forced to either love the new life or waste more time missing our old life. Either way in my opinion its depressing, there is no way around it.  It feels like a double edge sword. The new life has brought on so much physical pain,severe fatigue, sadness,limitations on everything i do.  Then Just thinking about the old life depresses me. It makes me angry that i was so close to finishing some goals. I had just met some amazing new people and longed to be a part of their lives and then the hammer dropped . It dropped on my head and smashed so many things. I feel like a  china doll that has been shattered into a million pieces.
Fighting these diseases with no end in sight is so overwhelming, so even when you are trying to be positive, you just keep tripping on your own two feet.  No matter how positive i try to be, the pain is so consuming and then the limitations get worse and i find myself back on bed rest struggling just to get up to go pee. And trust me even in bed, i try to be positive but bed rest and then spending the only OUT OF BED TIME at work gets tough. I am tired of my four walls being the same four walls. I pray the weather gets better soon so that i can push myself to get out more and enjoy the weather. Last summer i was able to walk up to 12 miles a week which was great for my ass.  I just wish that all of us who are fighting these diseases could just have a little weekly break. I cry just reading others heartbreaking stories, don’t get me wrong i love my support group but it just breaks my heart to know they too are suffering. I guess that just means that no matter how much my disease changes who i am, it doesn’t change the fact that i am human, i just now through my own suffering understand others suffering. Sometimes that is a gift in its self. I love being able to tell someone else who just wants to jump off a cliff and die, that they are not alone. I am here with them.
Anyways i promise (maybe) to write my next post by next Friday, i know how much you like to sit around and wait for my next post. HA!  Until then know YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. DON’T GIVE UP. DSC_0160 (2) I’m NOT