STOP crippling ME

I first off want to say thanks for everyone’s patience. I have tried a million times this week to sit down and blog. These last few weeks have been exhausting to say the least. Even the weather went BATSHIT crazy, but that is OK, as i got to snuggle with My Furkidz

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I also must ADMIT, my team at RGR helps me get through tough days. I know they are starting to see through my smile, but make me smile anyways, and i am grateful…most of the time. And look at all the toys…#pewpewpew

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However, At this very moment I am using my frustration and severe pain to write this! I have put this months blog off for to long and i need to talk…….Sometimes it is better for me to write, instead of blow UP…..

Here is the rundown of the last few weeks and my monthly bitch.

March ended with me doing much vomiting, watching the worst movie of all time and finding some “spots” on my chest.  So I would give March TWO THUMBS down.  I am praying April goes well, I mean what can go wrong, I see all specialists this month?! *raspberry*  I get some new results, good or bad, I just want this new shit over with. I just feel like a puppet these days. I don’t feel like anything is ME anymore. I am just made to play a role in this sick life. This brings me to this month’s bitch.  I hope those of you who do this, take a LONG hard look at how you treat people, not just people with health issues. I feel left in the back, left to watch everyone else do what they want, become better at what they already do.  Since I have been sick, I have watched people just surpass me(for lack of a better phrase.) Like I am a ghost, like I do not deserve opportunities.  I think we call this….discrimination?!  Now I am sure it is not on purpose, I think people just USED to me being sick, so they just DON’T BOTHER TO ASK, if I would like to be a part of something. But again, I feel left out. And yes for those of you saying, SPEAK OUT. I have raised my voice and head high, yet I am still not heard.  I wish that I could explain to you all what it is like to be sick, to have to give UP everything you have ever wanted or worked for. FEEL the most intense pain you have ever had, 24/7.  WOW I could go on and on but I hope you get the point by NOW.  Then I force my sick butt to get OUT and do a few things I love, only to watch people  running so fast around me  to do opportunities, that I  get spun around backwards. IT is NOT a great place to be, it is actually very emotionally painful.  I AM HERE TO SAY THAT SPOONIES still have dreams and we are still PEOPLE, SO STOP crippling US more than our health does! Even if you think my answer is going to be NO, you can still ask, it IS the polite thing to do.

On a side NOTE, I would like to thank those of you who continuously, let me know you are here for me, even if it is only in spirit. I really appreciate your kind emails, texts and Private messages. When you are fighting a terminal disease, every positive vibe you get is very much needed. I have 5 diseases that are currently kicking my butt and even if its NOT you seeing my tears, hearing my screams, or cleaning up after me/feeding/injecting my meds, your words are inspiring and you NEVER know what they might mean on a bad day. So thank YOU. *kisses* To all YOU FELLOW SPOONIES, a HUGE thanks for being there for ME when all I want to do is jump off a cliff. I have zero idea what I would personally do, if I didn’t have such an awesome support group.  It sucks we all found each other through sickness but honestly I am grateful, we all found each other. Hope everyone has an OK week….much love…….

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