Hi Everyone! I hope you all have had a better start to the New Year than I. So far I have managed to internally bleed more days than not, puke more than I eat, feel like I have the FLU times 10 and spend more time in bed than anyone EVER wants too(and not for anything fun). UGGG
Autoimmune diseases suck as do the MEDS we take to keep the disease at Bay(whatever that means)
However I was able to get out of the house a few times and visit with a photographer who is interested in doing s project with me. I am super excited to see what comes of this.
I also was able to make it to work a few days this month! woohoo!!
You need to find your Happy, even when you feel like death….Laugh when you can’t find your strength….act like a child if nothing else works 😉
I also was able to ride on our first HOG family 2017 ride where i literally froze my ass off. We rode over 200miles in 39degree weather. BRRR
I did have a lot of fun though. 🙂
To be honest this past month was probably one of the hardest months. When i can’t stand or walk due to complete weakness and I find myself crawling to the bathroom to puke, everything just feels so helpless. It is times like this when i can’t help but to think about death and wonder if my time is coming around the corner….
I mean how sick do you have to be, for God to take you? I get so tired of struggling, tired of the intense pain, tired of the needles of poison, tired of the Dr’s, tired of crying, tired of faking the smiles, tired of the FIGHT. My body has been a complete ass lately and I am having a hard time finding my way back to what faith I usually hold on too. I feel so alone, and it is so hard to express what my body is doing to me and how it makes me feel, especially when the pictures above is what others see. When most days i look like this especially after taking all these SHIT meds…
***remember autoimmune diseases are INSIDE us…so it doesn’t matter what you see on the outside ;-)THANKS
Next month is surgery #21 and I pray that it gives me some relief. This surgery has me concerned because they are cutting into my spine and stomach. What could possibly go wrong right? Ha! Let me tell you the many ways 😉
Anyways I am still recuperating from the hell my body has been causing lately but wanted to give a quick update, I know how grumpy many of you get when i don’t update.
Please be kind to those you love…….and even ones you don’t….you never know what a stranger may be going through……a special spoonie friend of mine reminded me recently that when the “norms” just do NOT get it…..other spoonies (sick people) DO GET IT. SO……to you other spoonies going through the HELL too….remember even when you feel alone…..you really are not……..
********If this is the case…my Dream must be really FUCKING BIG!!! HAHAHAHA
If all else fails…..go buy some dye and have one hell of fucking good time….In my case, it is falling out anyway…
Hugs and Love to you all.!!!! Thank you to those of you who continually support me. To fellow spoonies, keep fighting!
This post brought to you by my beautiful adopted babies….Cute HUH?!
P.S Some have asked what I need before and after surgery. I still need warm socks, lap blankets and I am raising money to buy another Leachco Pillow which keeps my bones from touching when i sleep and or lay down.And above all, PLEASE do not forget to PRAY and send positive vibes my way..MUAH I appreciate all everyone has done for me. XOXOXOXO