This week has been awful, so bad that I do not want to go over it all. It was full of excruciating pain and a bunch of bullshit from the Dr’s. I spent time in the hospital, a few hours at work and the rest was spent in bed.
I have NOTHING positive to say about autoimmune disease this week! However I was glad to make it to work tonight! It feels so good to be out of bed and be around others.
AND I AM SUPER EXCITED BECAUSE TOMORROW I GET TO SEE MY FRIEND TYRONE WELLS! If you have never heard of him, please look him up! He is an amazing singer/songwriter!!!
So please pray/send positive thoughts that I am able to go and see him perform.
Due to the lack of energy I have I will answer all questions in next weeks post…thank you for your understanding. If you have a question, you can either DM @openkari or email me.
Bitch Session and Final Thoughts….
I get so many messages in regards to trying to keep positive when your whole world is crumbling,so many chronic illness suicides lately… so lets talk about this for a minute…
First off take a breath! If you read my posts, you know that my thoughts, pain, frustration, life etc are very similar if not the same as yours. It is OK what you think, what you feel etc. You are not alone. You might look around and see no one but we are here….I get it, you want it all to STOP. Ya me too! Some days it takes all I have to make it second to second. I pray, I beg God to help me through the day, to get a break, cause I need one so desperately. The constant pain is so over powering and it never seems to end. I don’t sleep much, i don’t eat a lot, I don’t get out much, life just seems so dim. I feel like I am being held under the water, never coming up for air.
The other day i was looking through some art work and I found this amazing photo that I think speaks for itself. Some will only see the negative in this picture, but to me i see truth, i see pain, i see hope….
Just because we might think something does NOT mean we will act on it and that is what I see in this photo. Life is a constant battle, unfortunately for us, we are battling our own bodies. This life IS fucking hard! We must always be shattering the negative that slips in our mind. Truth is….. Suicide is real, depression is real especially with chronic illness. I know that the chronic illness is NOT the only ones who have depression or who commit suicide but for the purpose of this post, chronic illness folks are the group, I am talking about. We must never give up. We all have a purpose even when we have NO idea what it is. Fighting chronic illness can be a very lonely battle because no one can see the battle but us. I find this to be hard because trying to explain to others how I feel when to them I look OK, sucks! Some people just can’t comprehend that our cells are killing us. I get it, what you can’t see is hard to believe but trust us, what you can’t see we definitely feel. Please talk about how you feel no matter what those feelings are. Stay Strong and Reach out if you need too…..I am here and do not worry if I have already touched on a subject..lets chat, ask questions! Together we can push each other through the shit. We did not ask for this life….but I wouldn’t notice the stars in the sky with out it. This disease that is killing me has reminded me to live…..I take NOTHING for granted, not anymore.
While screaming through the pain……do not forget to Laugh, take time to look at the stars, LIVE……..Because Life is not stopping because we are suffering…..XOXO
Thank You Belle…I really needed these extra spoons
P.S I get an overwhelming amount of emails in regards to relationship issues and chronic illness, So I am going to do a BIG post on this topic. If you have questions or want to add your input please message me! It is nice to get others opinions…..Thanks 😉 Maybe we will do a LIVE conversation too!