I have been getting a lot of emails in regards to how I am doing in my health and personal life, so here is an update….
I have kind of been all over the place emotionally. Even though I feel blessed for how my current Personal life is, It has been hard to just turn off all the feelings of the past. For some, it is easy to move on but I also know that when you do not deal with your past it ALWAYS comes back to get ya….eventually. So for me, I try to deal with the past a little at a time that way it doesn’t bite me in the ass later.
It has been 3 months now since my life was turned upside down and I still find myself to be a little vulnerable to certain things. It can be simple things that remind me of something and then sometimes it can be something huge. But no matter what the something is, I always find my way to keep positive and continue on my new journey.
A few of the emails and messages I have received have asked how I feel now emotionally compared to when it first happened. I would like to take a moment and answer….
This above quote says it all! I think most of you would agree that when you choose to spend your life, your time with someone that even when things go bad, you can both have the decency to be respectful to one another. But throughout this whole mess, I have been BLOWN away at how i have been treated. I guess in the end 19 years did NOT earn me the respect I feel I deserve, instead I was slapped in the face over and over again. I was told it would all be amicable and that their would not be any hard feelings. I could keep my car that I had been paying on for 4 years, i could get all my belongings…etc But in the end all I got was lies and more lies.
I was hurt physically, I was cheated on but nothing hurt worse than the way he lied to me. Of all the people in my life, I never once thought that he would be the one to be behind the trigger. Betrayal can be so painful.
But with all that said, today I stand tall. I have forgiven him, pushed him off my path and have continued on. I know there will still be a few moments when he crosses my mind but now I am confident on how I will deal with those moments. I have grown so much in these past few months and I love getting back to feeling like ME again. To sum it up, He was a blanket I carried around for 19 years, and due to his behavior and his issues the blanket(him) became old and ragged.
I do not need a blanket anymore. I GOT this SHIT!
Sometimes you have to go through the rough times to see the beauty that is in your life.
For once in my life my health is the WORST thing in my life.
My cell death is really high and I am on the highest dose of chemo/biologic mix. I have several Dr appts this month and I am praying that my specialist has an idea on what to do next, Because the current regiment is NOT working. I want to see what tomorrow brings! I want to live! I want to enjoy whatever time I have left.
I hope this answered most of everyone’s questions. I will update when I can. As always,Thanks for all the support and love!