Sorry it has been a month since I have written but my body is being a complete asshole and that is saying it nicely.
I want to share some of the bullshit I have been going through so you all at least know what is going on.
As if it wasn’t enough going through what my body has been going through, i also get to deal with people saying one thing and doing another. Here is some advice, take it or leave it…… DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH UNLESS YOU PLAN ON DOING WHAT YOU SAY! I am DONE with words that mean absolutely NOTHING. I have zero TIME to wait on empty promises.
There are only 24 hours in a DAY, use your time wisely. I spent 19 years in a relationship where my cats where more attentive and will be dammed if I ever allow anyone to treat me that way again. This is for EVERYONE. I will NEVER go backwards, a valuable lesson I have learned is that their is always someone waiting to spend time with you, so don’t waste it on people who do not deserve you.
Lately I have spent more time in bed than anything and it has been a reminder that my life is short and what time I have out of bed will be spent with people who actually want to be in it. PERIOD
I appreciate all the emails, calls and texts I have received during this rough patch! I am sorry if i haven’t gotten back as quickly as I would have liked but I choose not to spend all my time on electronics. I hope you all understand.
Some of you have asked about my last blood tests, I purposely have been avoiding them and this is why…. My last tests confirmed that I have the worst version of my disease, I am 100% seropositve. I do not want to go into details but if you are curious, look it up. It sucks, i have been so afraid to see this word ANYWHERE in my chart. But hey at least I finally know why my health has been deteriorating so quickly. It confirms why my pain is off the charts and why nothing seems to be helping. So that’s the shitty news…..
So as you can imagine my moods have been like this….
This past month has been the hardest in a long time, I have prayed to die, prayed for help and prayed people pull their head out of their asses….because LIFE is happening RIGHT now and it hasn’t been a bowl of fucking cherries. I am so frustrated, I feel alone, I feel doctors are fucking idiots, I feel like i am wasting away and see no end in sight. I fucking hate RA, EDS and all the other little fuckers that are killing me!
I hope to write more next week until then keep the prayers, positive vibes coming my way, i need them more now than ever. XOXO