Wednesday thoughts

I am unsure if any of you watch the show on ABC called “Chasing Life” but it is a great show and it explains a lot of what i go through pretty well. Tonight’s episode the main girl fighting cancer is told over and over by her grandpa to be strong so she can fight this and she finally tells him..”the way you talk to me about being sick and fighting this, it puts a lot of pressure on me like i have to be strong all the time and if i am not then i have failed.”
I LOVED it, because it is how i feel a lot especially when those around me are always telling me to be strong and or say things like..see how strong you are…..you are doing this! It is a lot of pressure when you feel that everyone is looking up to you and expecting you to get through this.
You know maybe a part of all of this mess is that i am supposed to give others hope through my trials. I truly believe that their is always a reason for everything, we just may not always know what that reason is right away. And i know when people tell me to be strong they mean well and i need to just take their positive words and or encouragement for what they are. Because to tell you all the truth, i do not feel strong, i feel weak, i feel parts of me have been destroyed. I feel vulnerable, i feel scared, i do not feel strong. As i say these things i do realize that sometimes we do not see everything about our selves and sometimes it takes others to tell us what they see in order for us to see what is inside of our selves.

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