Day 5

How does being chronically ill make you feel?

This is a hard one for me to answer. It is honestly an emotional question. Physically it makes me feel like i have been torn apart, put in a wood chipper, rebuilt and then continuously put on repeat.

Emotionally it is depressing and frustrating because there is nothing anyone can  do not even myself. I feel isolated and hurt by those who claim they love me. I watch as people just go about their buisness and pretend i am even in the room. Its lonely, scary, down right scary! 

I feel pain all over and when i say all over i mean all over. I internally bleed which makes my belly and kidneys hurt. My spine has some issues so my back just screams. My legs refuse to work like they should so sometimes every step feels like someone is ripping them off. My hands swell and fight me on everything i used to be able to do. Most days i have trouble gripping things. Both my ankles and wrists ache continuously. I have sores on my feet and in my mouth sometimes. I habe skin rashes that itch like bug bites. 

AND there is the fatigue!!!! I could sleep for two days straight and get up exhausted, so exhausted one would think i haven’t slept in weeks. It amazes me just how tired i am. Then som noghts its insomnia night(my favorite) its the night i get to see how many shows i can watch while others are fast asleep.  

I am sure i am missing somethings because there are so many to name but i think you kind of know how i “feel”. 

Oops almost forgot to mention how many meds i take, these also make me feel certain ways, but mostly i just feel like a medicine cabinet. Many drugs make me feel dizzy, agitated,sweaty, barfy, Not hungry and just plain ‘ol SICK! 

I hope this answers the question.

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