Tag Archives: caregivers

Its summer time Bitches

I hope you all are enjoying the beginning of summer!

 

I plan on answering more emails next week as this week has been a bad week, my body decided to be a pill.  I missed almost an entire week of work and I spent some time in the hospital. It was just one of those weeks when you want to “tap out.”  I was completely miserable. the dizziness, the vomiting and the all over feeling like shit does get old…..

 

BUT…..  today I was able to get back to work! It felt so good to be out of bed and be around my work family.

I do not feel as good as I felt 2 weeks ago but I definitely feel better than the past week.  My blood tests are not good and my inflammation has been high and I know that is why my body hurts so much but dammit, I really can not take anymore weeks like last week. It truly takes all I have to stay optimistic when my body keeps being an ass.

The Doctors try and help  with the pain control but sometimes nothing seems to help.  I  just have to push through it and pray for it to end. It is so frustrating, scary and really getting OLD. I want a break, a break from it all.  My inflammation numbers are very high and have been for awhile now which angers me. It angers me because the Chemo and Biologics I am taking are supposed to be helping with that and it is not. I feel like I am suffering extra due to medication side affects for NO reason. The Doctors are meeting in the next few weeks to discuss what is next for me and I am praying that it is something better than what I am currently going through.  Truth is all the ideas they have already discussed with me are no better than what I am doing now, essentially new drug name with same fucked up side affects.  I really am trying to be optimistic but I feel so burned out. Until they find a cure, I feel I am in a never ending battle that I am never going to win.

 

Nevertheless……..Now more than ever I do want to live, because FINALLY outside of my health things are GOOD. I want to see where this new path is leading.  I have been enjoying hanging with friends. Going to our favorite Bar with the group…

having BBQ’s with the Walkers…

 

But Most importantly I have been enjoying my time with the Best Boyfriend a girl could have.

 

Ryan thank  you for showing me that broken pieces can go back together. Your love and support have been such a blessing to me. What is so great about you is that you never had to say the words, “i love you,” because you have always showed me that you cared. It is so good to have someone just do things without having me to ask. The way you comfort me when my health is kicking my butt has been a nice change. I love that I can count on you to be supportive, I know you have my back. I love you for all the above reasons and so much more…………….

 

To my spoonie family, keep fighting, keep putting one foot in front of the other and NEVER give UP!!! I do not know about all of you but being sick and shown me how STRONG i can be and that I can get through whatever life throws at me!

As always thanks for all the love and support XOXO

 

 

Reason for the Season

 

 

 

Question for you all…….Why does God heal some and not the rest of us? Does this thought ever cross your mind in some shape or form? Sometimes I get so frustrated when I feel like I am doing everything I can to fight my own body but always come up short. Then I read these amazing stories of people who have stage 4 cancer and then miraculously are “cured.” Now do not get me wrong, I am happy for them, very happy but I wonder what is wrong with me, that I am not cured or at the very least feeling like I am getting somewhere with my disease, like the chemo and biologics are doing their damn job.

When will my forever happy ending happen? When will I begin to enjoy life again, will I ever?

Lately I have felt consumed with questions like this. I am overwhelmed with everything that has to do with my health. I am so tired of it running my entire life. There is NOTHING my health hasn’t touched and I WANT my life back and I want it back NOW.

Just this past week I went with some friends to see the new Star Wars and half way through, my pain was so bad.  I was shaking like those old “magic finger vibration beds.” It was so frustrating! Can I NOT enjoy anything anymore?

 

I am so tired of trying to find my “happy” place when all I feel like is the tide has ripped me from the sand and pulled me under. I am really tired of all the sickness and destruction these autoimmune diseases have and IS causing.

 

I am also tired of being asked if I am ready for the holidays? What does this mean exactly? Is someone coming over for the holidays, that I didn’t know about? Is my chemo/biologic mix going to give me a day off because my next treatment date falls on  Christmas? Is somebody having us over for Christmas dinner? Am i going somewhere? Are you going to put up my tree and decorate for me because I have zero energy? Are the people I miss going to visit? Is a cure coming my way?

If you can’t answer any of the above, PLEASE STOP asking me if I am ready for the Holidays.  Not everyone has HOLIDAY plans….

While I am on the subject of Christmas, I would like to thank Staci and her family for the awesome Christmas card! You make our  door not look so naked this year. Love you guys

While I am bitching about the holidays, I want to shout out to those of you who are not ONLY dealing with their health but are also going through relationship bullshit. Last Monday I took some time to read some other health blogs and unfortunately I read the SAME old shit….People are hurting because some people can be mean. I am so tired of hearing about us “spoonies” having to watch/feel others leave us. Why can’t our health be the WORST thing we are going through? Is having our Own body kill us NOT enough?

I just want all of you that are going through relationship bullshit to hang on and try to not let it destroy you. I have been through it, so I know what it feels like. I know it hurts when someone that says they love you and they will stand by you and then when you need them the most…they walk out the door…like you meant nothing and You are left holding your heart in your hands. 

One particular women on this blog i was reading, wrote about how she doesn’t date anymore because once people see how she can barely walk and is in constant pain, they never ask her out again, so why bother? This comment made me cry because We DID not choose to be sick. Do we not deserve to be loved because of our health?

Spoonies, you are worth loving…NEVER forget that……

HEALTH UPDATE

My pain has been about the same(HORRIBLE)….i have one good day then 2-3 crap days. I am noticing though that the chemo meds are causing me severe pain about 6 hours after injection and the pain lasts for about 10 hours and does not give up. I try to talk to my doctor about it but she doesn’t seem concerned…… She says, “Its poison your putting into your body….what did you think it would feel like……?! ”  And she loves to just UP my chemo meds instead of trying other things….

Then I have my pain specialist who thinks everything he does for me is a damn miracle.  Let me tell you this pain pump was SUPPOSED to be the best thing for me but has been my biggest nightmare this year. It was supposed to work so well that I would not have to see him but every 3 months to refill the pump and I would no longer need any pain patches and or oral meds….HAHA what a joke, I now need monthly refills on my pain pump and he has me back on oral meds along with the pain pump…..

I just do not get it! I put a lot of  my faith into these doctors who promise the world and half the time fail me over and over again.  I am so tired of people failing me. I just wish people/Doctors would not just HEAR me but Listen to me.

I am still internally bleeding which is soooo MUCH fun as you can imagine. The skin on my face and hands is peeling and inflamed, making me feel so damn self conscious. I know my disease affects all organs and skin is an organ but I just wanted ONE DAMN ORGAN to not be affected….

I know I sound all negative Nancy right  now but it better that I write it down than keep it in my head. I hate when I talk to other “spoonies” and they tell me that they are afraid to share how they really feel in fear that people will see them differently.  This is what I have to say about that…

Are they the ones feeling your OWN body killing you? Do they feel your pain 24/7? Are they the ones spending more time with doctors than friends? Did their lives CHANGE completely?

Something else I can’t personally stand is when other people who have my  disease or a similar one, and they blog like I do but mask what they are really going through….I KNOW what this shit feels like, I know what the meds do to us, I know how it affects us physically and mentally….so please don’t be fake. Show your true self, others will appreciate you for it! Sure we can have “good” days if that is what you want to call them…but I can guarantee that our “good” days are NOTHING like the Good days we had before we were sick……

The truth will set you free and will clear your mind of some of the stress that can be toxic and affect your health even more.

FINAL THOUGHTS

For me I have to remember the reason for the season and it isn’t all the cruel people in the world who ignore us or treat us like we are beneath them because we are sick. It isn’t about shit families. It isn’t about feeling left out. It isn’t about the cards, you didn’t send. It isn’t about the sorry, you didn’t say.  It isn’t about what I wanted this year and didn’t get. It isn’t about all the things I was promised to finish this year. It isn’t about dreams that were crushed because of the people we chose in our lives. It isn’t about feeling so alone battling this disease. It isn’t about my anger when others seem to get what they want but my life stays the same. It isn’t about what some get in 6 months and I never get.  It isn’t about my frustration. It isn’t about this damn pain pump I HATE. It isn’t about all the disappointments.  It isn’t about people I miss who chose to keep me at an arms length. It isn’t about people who have taken parts of me, i will never get back. It isn’t about all the Dr appts i had this year. It isn’t about all the hospital stays i had this year. It isn’t about lost friends or new ones. It isn’t about all this horrible pain i feel everyday.  It isn’t about all I have lost to this damn disease. It isn’t about all the poisons i do every damn week. It isn’t about the sadness I feel in my heart. It isn’t about how I am so tired of fighting my own body. It isn’t about me knowing I am fighting a losing battle with my health. What it is about is…..Jesus. I could care less if you are religious or not…….To me…..The season is still about him….not US. I am a child of GOD…and tonight I am reminded to straighten my damn crown…..because when I am falling apart the most(which is NOW)…..he will always have me in his hands…He will also be holding you…………OXOX

 

 

 

 

 

 

I BELIEVE YOU

 

Lets do a health update and then answer a few readers questions!

Health Update:

Friday the 19th I went in for my pain pump checkup and Refill. Good News all around….infection seems to be gone for the moment( they think it might come back once i restart chemo meds and biologics later this week, but all POSITIVE THOUGHTS HERE!!!) and the Dr got into my pump the first time to refill! Whoo hoo!!

I restarted my biologics that same night and Chemo i restart tomorrow MONDAY. YUCK

Just restarting the biologic doses I am on, restarted the internal bleeding. UGG I can’t wait to add in the Chemo again…..(i hope you hear the sarcasm in my voice.) HA     At least I can say they finally might have my pain(mostly) under control with the pain pump, which is great…I EARNED this scar!!!! 

BEFORE PIC                                                                                   AFTER PIC(9 weeks later)

    

People ask if it hurts still…yes it does if i move to fast or bend over to far. At night I can’t sleep on my side and sometimes it pinches. Other than that I am NO LONGER screaming which is good..RIGHT?!  The goal for me is to be in less pain with whatever time I have. So I am hopeful this pump will do its job 24/7!! I will keep you all posted! If you missed out on Pain Pump Surgery 21, read post titled, “speak the truth.”

Once i restart the chemo/biologic mix tomorrow, I will write an update on how my lovely body is reacting to the fun!

 

 

Readers questions:

  1. How do you respond to people giving their opinion on how you should treat your disease? This one is easy to answer….

 

2  I read your post on how people have treated you in the past for your illness/disease, does this ever get better? The honest truth is NO. I see it with others and personally experience it all the time. In MY opinion many people get scared when they see their loved one battling something they know they can NOT win. Because of that they sometimes push that person away  so they do not have to go through it too or they become complete jerks(to put it nice.) Truth be told, i would rather have someone push me away than treat me like crap. I have had people leave me when I need them the most, take life experiences away from me,run away because “watching” me die was to hard. But you know what, it IS their loss and it always will be. And that is what YOU need to believe because it is the TRUTH. It is ok to feel hurt but pick yourself off the ground because it is YOUR life now you are wasting on someone who wants NOTHING to do with you. 

Be THANKFUL they left when they did! You do not need people that treat others like this in YOUR life, let them be other peoples problem! 😉

3  What does your normal week look like? And are you satisfied with your life as it is right now? HMM great questions. I work mostly Sun-Tuesday for a few hours a day. The other days, i am either in bed or in my comfy chair due to my meds and disease beating my ass. Sometimes i am able to go on motorcycle rides, sometimes I am able to train(guns/personal defense) which i love to do! But mostly I spend my time sick. 

Am i satisfied with life? I would be lying  if I said Yes. Before I was diagnosed with Multiple Organ Ra, i was working on my bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and planning my future. Then my cells started attacking my organs and changed my life forever. Now I spend my time with Dr’s more than friends. I am on weekly POISON medications, I live in my bed/chair. I walk with a cane most days. I am internally bleeding, i have had 21 surgeries, i now have a permanent pain pump in my spine. Satisfied NO!!! But with that said, i am trying to accept my life now. This does NOT mean I give up, i still push myself especially at work.

 #TRUTH

My advice to someone who is just getting diagnosed with a chronic/terminal disease is this: NEVER FUCKING GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! I could have given up years ago when Dr’s had ZERO clue what was going on, When Dr’s gave me 7 years to live, when people i fucking LOVED unconditionally left me without batting an eye, when my body hurt so bad I wanted to Jump off a bridge. NEVER DID I GIVE UP

 

I will answer more questions later this week as long as the chemo/biologic mix doesn’t fuck my life this week…..

Final words……..If you are reading this, chances are my life sounds a little like yours…..don’t worry so much, you GOT this! This is OUR life now. Enjoy the good days as much as you can….

DO NOT let go of ALL your DREAMS or HOBBIES…..Find days that are good for YOU!!!!!

Enjoy time with friends WHEN YOU CAN!

Even when they act WEIRD Ha!!!

MOST OF ALL…..

 

REMINDER TO EVERYONE NOT BATTLING A DISEASE

XOXO KARI

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Stopped waiting for the light at the End of the tunnel…..and LIT that Bitch up Myself!

Hi Everyone,

It has been a few weeks since my last post, so lets catch you all up……

April 6th I had a Dr appt with my Rheumatologist. I have a really hard time dealing with her because she is one of those Dr’s that says, “even if I have your diagnosis wrong, I am giving the meds that will attack it all, so no worries.” Umm excuse me, I am having some new symptoms can we look at those?  “No Kari, as I said before it really does not matter, I treat all blood/immune diseases with the same meds.”  UGGGG   The only thing I got out of that appointment was my blood work forms.

Friday Morning, i spent with a vampire(phlebotomist.) I have been seeing the folks at quest diagnostics for more years than i would like to share 😉 They have online appointment scheduler which I love, no more wasting *spoons* at the vampire house! The ladies who work at quest are always super friendly and I do not feel like a number to them which is NICE!

Saturday I was still feeling this shit spinal headache so i spent most of the day at home, although we did have dinner at beefys. I really do not care for their food but everyone else does so I am about 80% sure it is the chemo meds fucking with my taste.

Sunday the 9th, i made it to work which was great! I love when I can get out and talk to adults instead of spending the entire day with furkids, day in and day out. Even though I get to be around such cuteness….

Cuteness everywhere I go……Girls with guns RULE!

 We do have fun!

Monday I did manage to make it to work although I was having a lot of pain around my pump area. For 5 hours i faked my way through it with a smile. I even got to shoot some new guns. The Glock 10mm was awesome!

The rest of the week (Tuesday-Friday) I did my chemo and continued to have pain around my pump area which by Friday was making me just miserable.  My arms and shoulders were also aching like i had spent the last 3 days at the gym……My blood tests also came back and were shitty, like i expected. I will write more about this in a moment.

Even though all this bullshit, I did have a few positives this week…my BFF Rhonda called and we chatted for over and hour which was great, i really needed her. My friend from work (kim) came over on Thursday to save my ass which I was very grateful for! I drove to Quincy, Ca for a LOH pre ride. I enjoyed this time just driving and trying to clear my head. It was so beautiful up in the mountains. I do LOTS of things to relieve my stress, my health gives me..

 

Brian and I started the Netflix series Iron Fist which has been pretty good so far.  Sometimes when all the shit is hitting the fan, it is good just to occupy your mind with other stuff.

Ok back to the Blood test, I have avoided it enough!  The test was bad as I projected it would be. I know my body!!!! I can NOT emphasize this enough. We all know our bodies….healthy or not! Listen to it! Anyways, my liver is struggling, both my ALT/AST are high, My white count is down(more than the methotrexate(chemo drug) usually does,) and MORE importantly the numbers that tell us how much my cells are killing me is has sky rocketed…..let me explain.

Lets say, you are a healthy person, you go in for some blood work…you MIGHT see a 1-3 on the scale. This is  Normal.

Abnormally High begins at 14

Mine is 98

Now do you get it?! I certainly hope so. So you  can see why I have been in a pure panic. The chemo and biologic drugs that i do EVERY gosh dang week are supposed to be pushing these numbers down! IF THIS IS WHAT it looks like when they are supposedly doing their job..what does it look like when i quit them???????

BUT life goes on…I pull up my big girl panties, fake a smile and go into work.  I can’t talk for everyone but when I feel so much frustration I do one of 2 things: i either freak out or I do funny things..like drive in the middle of the Gun range….HA! Laughter truly is good medicine!

 

This past week was a long week for me, not only because I was not feeling well or the fact that my blood tests were on my brain 24/7 but because I worked extra hours and I was also dealing with another sick cat. Oh when it pours it fucking pours at our house.

I did manage to walk 2 miles this week.. HOORAY!!!

As if things couldn’t get worse, i was reminded that it can always get worse…

On Sunday i went to work as usual, was feeling bad but not enough to call in. I worked my hours, headed home and as I undressed, i saw all this yellow stuff on my belly guard that goes over my pain pump incision. In my head i made all these excuses of what it could be, and just went on with my afternoon.  It wasn’t until around 10 pm, i looked down at my incision and saw a whole in the incision that was leaking out some kind of liquid. I panicked, called the Dr and he said get to the hospital NOW. We headed over and good thing we did, i have not 1 but 2 infections around the pump. There is a saying,” God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” I call bullshit! Seriously Lord, I am so overwhelmed. How can I possibly keep going?

Always amazes me how the morning can start like this..

and end like this………

So for those people who say, You look so good, how can you be so sick….spend some time with anyone fighting an autoimmune disease…my door is always open….

In the hospital they filled 4 of these bottles with my blood and 4 other vials for testing.

It was no Buenos! Then made me stay the night so they could give me extra strength IV antibiotics. If you know me, you know how much I love spending the night in the hospital. ;-( I will say though, the Dr was nice and so was my nurse. They even wheeled in a spare bed so that Brian could stay with me, because It was the RIGHT thing to do……although he slept…LOL

The following day I was sent to see my Specialist….who was an hour late……

He said he was worried about the infections because of my no immune system, so we decided to take me off of chemo and biologic’s for the next few weeks so that the antibiotics can do their job…or so we hope.  I also have an appt for May 4th with an infectious disease specialist.

I feel this is a double edge sword and this is why, first off taking me off all chemo and biologic’s means that my damn disease will have a party(remember my number from above?) so this will make me very uncomfortable and might do some real organ damage. Secondly, the Dr is unsure if these antibiotics will help with what infection my body is currently fighting which means if it continues, I will have emergency surgery to remove the pump and worse case i could die from the infection spreading to all my organs that are already sick.  Like I said double edge sword.

But with all this going on…

and even if I don’t I will go down fighting with everything I have.

 

 

To everyone out there dealing with Life….Hang in there….never give up. It can always be worse…..

We are all worth fighting for. We are all dying the moment we are born. Some of us are just meant to go sooner than others. I would like people to say after I am gone, that I lived every moment I could. I fought and never gave up. I believe that God has a bigger plan that I have for myself. Am I scared, yes everyday, but if i let fear win, i die now. So when you see me out and and about, know I am fighting with everything I have to be out and about. If you have your health, do NOT let anything or anyone else take time from your life. Live to the fullest. Do it for you and no one else.Everyone goes through bad stuff, just remember it isn’t always going to be like this. As my friend told me once before she lost her battle to breast cancer, “don’t be sad we are sick Kari, we are going somewhere pain and sadness does not exist.” And i KNOW this but it is the getting to that place that is zero fun. I have a hate/love relationship with my disease. I hate it because it is so damn painful, i have to take meds that make me sicker, i see Dr’s more than I see friends, I am bed ridden 70% of the time, I can’t enjoy the things i used to do like play the drums, hike, jet ski, train like I want, work full time, finish my bachelors, and so much more. I love my disease because i now appreciate every second of my life(for the most part), I love people wholeheartedly, i take very little for granted and i have more compassion for those around me.

Speaking of compassion, I would love if everyone I know locally would join us/help on June 24th when we ride for the 22 veterans who commit suicide daily.

Be grateful that we live in the USA and for the people who put up their lives DAILY for ours! a HUGE thank you to all veterans and active duty!! Prayers to those who have lost family members to suicide.

 

Life will never be perfect for any of us, however It is what we do with what we are dealt with, that makes or breaks us. I might be a mess 4 days out of 7 but I get up on my own two feet and fight back the other 3. 

I will never stop believing I have a purpose.

One last note….I know many of you are worried about me, i can tell by the many texts, calls, etc. I promise you all, even when i am as quiet as a mouse, I am not giving up, sure I am probably thinking about it but I am a fighter, I always have been. I don’t give up easily. This health journey has been super hard, I never thought in a million years that I would wake up sick and never get better. I never thought so many people would leave me because I was sick. I never knew how evil people could be when you needed them the most. I never thought I would have to give up so many life goals due to being sick. I never thought I would be living in bed most my life. I learned a long time ago that it is normal for the chronically/terminal sick to go through the 5 stages of grief. I often find myself especially after bad blood tests and or bad health news, that i like to stay in the  Isolation and anger stage for awhile. It is hard to get through your head that your OWN body is killing you and that no matter what you do…it doesn’t change.

Thank You all for your continued support, I love you all so much. Support each other, treat others with respect,  be grateful for every second you get and no matter what your struggling with be BRAVE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky ME

Laying in the hospital the other night, I wrote this. I wrote it because I was frustrated because several times I hear from people there going to be there for me yet i call upon them to help me and they’re not there or they push me away or something and it’s really becoming a problem. I cannot stand falling into so many of these chronic disease statistics it’s driving me crazy and I’m going to keep speaking about it until things change . Just because we have a disability just because were sick just because were chronic just because were possibly terminal does not give you the right to treat us the way some of you do!! If you don’t want to take care of us do not choose to be in our lives!
Tonight I really want to touch on caregivers and the lack there of. As most of you know if you’ve read my all about me section you know that I have had people come and go and I have heard every excuse under the sun about why they couldn’t deal with my health. And if you look up statistics it’s over I believe last time I looked it was over 76% of people watch loved ones leave them while dealing with a chronic and or terminal disease. I really find this extremely shocking I guess because I’m not that type of person I wouldn’t leave someone during some crisis. I have already helped some people get through some things and not once did I think about leaving; it didn’t even cross my mind I knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel eventually and that no one should have to go through something painful frustrating sad horrible etc. alone. But God made us all different and quite a few people that have been in my life have been the complete opposite of me as far as wanting to stay there and help me get through this health stuff. And trust me I know that this is nothing easy to go through and some days it is zero fun but I didn’t force anyone to be in my life except for family and hey I didn’t force them either just like I’m sure you didn’t force the people that are in your life that maybe have left you.

I’m going to get a little personal here because If we don’t talk to each other about real life stuff like what we deal with living with these diseases and what some of us have to go through on a regular basis then people will think its ok or worse yet doesn’t exist. And in my opinion when people come into your life by their choice they know you’re sick I think it is extremely cold hearted to push you away and or leave you. Or to take another step further like abuse you I have read a few cases where the caregiver has abused the sick person because they were tired of dealing with them. 

My biological family is just like any other biological family we all have problems not everybody gets along but I never in 1 million years thought that I would be alone fighting a disease that i can’t fight. Never in 1 million years did I think I would turn around and very little family would be standing there. I thought that blood meant everything but I was wrong. It’s hard knowing that you have family here in town and yet You find yourself alone a lot. I can’t even begin to understand how you can let your firstborn as in my case go through what I’m going through & not want to be there. I hope my children know that as long as I’m alive, no matter how sick I get I am always going to be there for them; no fight no argument is ever going to be enough to push me away. I love them unconditionally. And to be completely transparent once my family members start turning their box for one reason or another I begin to think to myself, if my blood family can’t even be there for me how can anyone else and I know that kind of sounds crazy and sad but it is what I think and I know I’m not alone in this. I have talk to some other people who are fighting a similar disease like myself and they have found themselves in a very similar situation and fortunately you kind of get in this depression funk and it’s what you think it’s kind of a form of abuse in a sense. Then I have friends who I have known since grade school and/or since high school who have been in my life and then as soon as the blood work began to get bad and the surgeries began to pileup the more people start running for the hills. I have heard so many times I can’t watch you die! Or my favorite one it’s so hard watching you go through this, i just can’t deal with it. Or you are making me sick because i have to help you so much. Huh! imagine what it’s like for me! But here’s the real kicker I can’t run I can’t run like you do I can’t push myself away I can’t tell myself excuses & push you away…..SO…lucky you. 

Lucky you that you get to escape your promises that you made, Lucky you, you get to move on with someone who isn’t sick, Lucky you, you get to keep your job and enjoy the life you dreamed of, lucky you! did you enjoy filling my head full of promises and telling me you’re never going to leave? lucky you for leaving me and pushing me away Lucky you lucky you

Do you feel lucky now,is your life so much better do you feel guilty for lying & hurting someone you said you would love forever ?lucky you lucky you. 

This is how I felt for a long time I felt like you were the lucky one but the truth is it’s lucky me lucky me whether you were family friend or a lover you never deserved me anyway. My life might be shorter than yours but I can guarantee it’ll be filled with more love than you could ever have in a lifetime so lucky me lucky me.